My ex is back in my life...

*Sigh*

It started with just simple emails. Letting him know when I'm sending him his stuff. That was fine but he kept emailing. Nothing major... little things, hoping I was doing better.

I don't know why but I responded to his emails. I thought it was to be polite and to make sure he got his stuff without incident but now I'm not sure. I sent him small one or two sentence emails telling him I was doing ok and that I hoped he was alright.

Time passed and we just ended up communicating through email on a daily basis. At first very cold and formal we began to warm up and even joke with each other.  More time passed and he made a small comment of how talking on the phone would be easier. It was the way he mentioned it that threw me off. Like he needed to talk to me.

I called him. (I know... I know) We were both really suprised by my action.

More time passed and now we've been speaking to each other everyday for the last couple weeks. I have not forgotten everything he put me through. Neither has he. We talk about it sometimes but we also talk about how we are changing and boing better in our own lives.

So, what am I doing!? I'm not sure what I am doing is right  or wrong. I'm really just winging it. I just wish I could figure out everything going on inside my head. I thought getting him out of my life completely was the right choice. Not a day went by that I didn't think about him and hope that he was doing ok. I'm not ready to have in REALLY back in my life thought. Talking on the phone seems the most safe right now...

My head is kinda a mess. ^_^

Drama is now leaving me and now that I'm single with all of this time to myself I've realized something:

I am a very boring person.

I love just hanging out and knitting or crocheting, looking up different schools (Since the new semester is in a couple months) I could attend, and hanging out with my mom (I love my mom very much ^_^).

It's not that I don't have friends (I have two) to hang out with. My friends are awesome but I can usually only seem them during the weekends. When I'm not with them I'm at home making something.

I now have dozens of scarfs, hats, arm bands, and other cute things seeping out of my closet taking over my bedroom!

It's done.

I just mailed all of my ex's stuff back to him. His stuff is out of my life forever just like he is out of my life now... So, why do I feel so out of it? I'm not happy thats for damn sure.

In the last email he sent me he ended with 'Love Always And Forever'. What am I supposed to do about that? Always and Forever? Then where was that love when you broke my heart or when you cut me out of your life or when you said all those awful things to me!? Where what all those warm fuzzy love feeling then?

I'm not happy. I just feel so hollow and detached inside.

I only ever wanted you and now you're out of my life forever.

... I loved you too you big jerk.